Deciding on an appropriate blog description.

question

I’ve been having a little trouble deciding on an appropriate blog description (the subheader that appears under the blog’s title).

I have tried various descriptions (especially over the past week) and I haven’t been really happy with any of them.

“Recovery from childhood trauma” stayed the longest, and it covered all the bases. I was very confused about what I “had,” and for the longest time my therapist wouldn’t give me a proper diagnosis (due to both hating labels and not being sure what my real problem was). I knew I had C-PTSD and BPD (or at least BPD remnants) and suspected narcissism too but had never received any kind of diagnosis for that. Since all three are caused by childhood trauma and because I was so confused about myself, it just seemed prudent to leave out the psychiatric labels altogether. This worked because anyone suffering any kind of childhood trauma wouldn’t feel intimidated by posting here, but it also made this blog sound too much like another narc-abuse blog, which it isn’t, even though I am a victim of narcissistic abuse.

A few weeks ago, my therapist finally tentatively diagnosed me with low spectrum NPD (used as a protection from the emotional ravages of BPD and C-PTSD). He saw that I had just enough traits to get the stigmatizing diagnosis (yikes) but he also assured me I wasn’t in the hopeless category and am no way malignant. I’m not proud of the label, but it also came as a relief because it validated what I already knew and resolved a lot of cognitive dissonance and confusion I’d been experiencing.

I felt like as far as this blog was concerned, I would be dishonest by not admitting it, so I wrote a post about it. I also decided I should change the description to include that. But I couldn’t bring myself to use “NPD” because it’s so off-putting to so many people and might run off my readers who are “only” C-PTSD but not Cluster B at all. I decided “covert narcissism” would be a bit easier to swallow, but after a few days I felt uncomfortable with that too.

I also began to notice that while no one seemed to run off and abandon me after my shocking admission, my regular commenters seemed more careful about what they said, adding little disclaimers to their comments. I assumed this meant they were now a little wary around me — maybe they thought that if they weren’t careful about how they said things, I might go off on them, devalue them, or otherwise start abusing or gaslighting them or something. I left in the “…caused by childhood trauma” in the description to encourage my non-cluster B readers to stick around and not decide I was now one of those “evil people” just because I had not just one (BPD), but two, stigmatizing diagnoses now. Besides, childhood trauma is also something I write a lot about on this blog.

Since “covert narcissism” is almost the same thing (or really is the same thing) as “vulnerable narcissism” or “fragile narcissism,” I changed the “covert” to “vulnerable.” It SOUNDS less intimidating. But that made the description too long and aesthetically unappealing, since I still wanted to leave in the “…caused by childhood trauma.”

But every time I opened up this blog and saw the term “narcissism” in the description (referring to ME and not my abusers) I inwardly cringed. It made me feel sick to see that. So last night, I changed the description AGAIN, this time to “recovery from cluster B hell caused by childhood trauma.” After all, “cluster B” was pretty general and could refer to BOTH BPD and NPD, without specifying which one. (It could also refer to ASPD!)

But no, “recovery from cluster B hell…” wouldn’t work either. It hit me how much that description sounded like this blog would be about narcissistic abuse and might attract narc-haters thinking this was just another ACON blog that would demonize people with NPD and other cluster B disorders, and I didn’t want to do that. Don’t get me wrong — those blogs are necessary and good (for the most part, except those that are clearly run by un-self-aware Cluster B people who think in a black and white, us-vs.-them way), but I’ve moved away from writing about myself as a victim only. Seeing that cluster B disorders arise FROM abuse and are primitive defense mechanisms against further abuse, I’m now trying to write for BOTH sufferers of C-PTSD and for Cluster B people (both NPD and BPD) who want help, since we are ALL victims of trauma.

I thought about going back to my original “recovery from childhood trauma,” but again, it’s TOO general and leaves out an important bit of information about me that I think my readers have the right to know. I also wanted other people with self-aware NPD who wanted to change to feel welcome posting here without running off my non-cluster B readers. I also felt it was important to include “BPD” in the description, since that was my first diagnosis and much of this blog is about that.

I finally settled on “recovering from BPD and narcissism caused by childhood trauma.” I know it’s a little lengthy and cumbersome, but I don’t think it’s too off-putting for non-cluster B people and victims of abuse, but it also is honest and encouraging to cluster B people who also want to comment.

This is so hard to reconcile because of the negative, us-versus-them mentality that’s so pervasive when it comes to narcissism and victims of narcissistic abuse. That, of course, needs to change. We all have C-PTSD.

Please share in the comments what you think. Was this a good choice, or do you think I should change it to something else? If you have any suggestions for a better (or catchier!) subtitle, please put it in the comments.

One more thing: please don’t feel afraid to state your honest feelings and opinions on this blog. I might have a stigmatizing diagnosis, but I think I’m basically a good person, just a broken one. I want to help others who have suffered too, and that’s a big reason why this blog exists. I’m not without empathy either (lack of empathy isn’t a requirement for NPD anyway — it’s just really common). I promise I won’t bite! I’m pretty mindful about the way I treat people these days and feel like I’ve made some progress anyway.

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9 thoughts on “Deciding on an appropriate blog description.

  1. I like what you’ve chosen. I have a hard time with this too and want to change mine. But it will have to wait til I’m a bit more clear-headed.

    I relate to how you feel about using NPD. The thought of using that to describe myself, even as a low level, makes me cringe too.

    I admit, I’m curious if I’ve changed the way I comment to you recently? Do you notice any sort of ‘walking-on-eggshells” type of comments from me?

    I must have missed when you started to doubt your own thoughts about being a covert narcissist in the first place, quite some time ago, because I remember you writing about it before and even though still just a suspicion, I was still under the impression you were sure enough.

    In fact, I didn’t see your more recent blog post on “Coming out of the Closet” until I after I asked you to read my post about it. However, I did see the title in passing in my Reader, but I thought it was an old post, maybe reblogged or something.

    I discovered it wasn’t after asking you to read my post though but again, was a bit confused by it since I’d already thought you’d done that. So my point is just that I’ve been commenting still for a long time, thinking of you as a covert narcissist anyway, so was wondering if Ive been different in my comments.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I thought your coming out post was very brave and to be commended. Take your time about writing a new description. I just wanted to get mine over with. I didn’t want to keep ruminating over the nasty label. Just get it done and move on to more important things, like recovery!

    I don’t think you said anything that felt to me like walking on eggshells. Actually, I’m not sure if anyone really did. It’s just this feeling I get, I don’t know…comments just seemed more tentative somehow…? But that just could be me projecting! Imagining people are going to be on eggshells even if they really aren’t (which is of course what people with BPD/NPD do!) It’s hard to know anymore what’s real and what’s just me projecting stuff. That’s one of the things that’s so f%$&$g confusing to me right now. I hope it gets easier over time to make the distinction.

    It’s all confusing. It makes me feel like someone put my head on inside out and started spinning it! Yes, I self diagnosed, then backpeddaled, especially after my therapist said he didn’t think I was a narcissist. But the fact that I was so “nice” (and unemotional) at first, and now all these BPD emotions are coming out in every session was what probably changed his mind (the unemotional, joke-y, friendly, and “perfect” demeanor I displayed at first was a mask and I didn’t even know it was a mask until it dropped!). He did tell me he felt as if (in retrospect) I’d dropped some of my N defenses and am allowing myself to feel more of my real emotions and be more vulnerable. So that’s a VERY good thing.

    By the way, I’m curious as to why you always believed I was a covert narcissist. This isn’t meant to be a challenging question and I won’t be offended if you are honest with me. Is it because you believed my own admission all along, or is because I act, well, narcy? If I do act narcy, can you give me an example? The reason I ask is because if I do act too narcy, I need to know what I need to be more mindful about in the future. I know I probably still have a lot of blind spots and don’t realize it when I’m acting that way.

    I hope you have a wonderful 2017!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It was that I believed your self-diagnosis. I believe that people know themselves better than anyone else does, even if they don’t know it. And since you have been on a mission of healing and found this to be true about yourself, then there must be something to it.

    I think it helped that I was beginning to believe I was a covert narc myself but still really confused about it. I still am.

    I also missed your back-pedaling. I had not known you did that. I wasn’t around wordpress for a while there for a period of time and missed a lot of posts. Plus I’d unfollowed everyone for a while as well to try to focus on my own blog. I was getting distracted so much and would spend all day reading when I intended to write. And before I knew it the day was gone.

    So for a period of time I missed a lot of posts.

    As for your other question about acting narcy…there have been a couple comments where it seemed like you didn’t quite get what I was saying…but is that narcy or is that my lack of proper communication or just simply, you being overwhelmed with other comments, reading quickly and missing something? It could also be me projecting.

    So no, I’m gonna say no. I don’t think you act narcy. I was actually surprised when you started talking about thinking you are one, despite believing you saw that in yourself.

    I love the way you describe the confusion”…like someone put my head on inside out and started spinning it!”

    I agree it is all very confusing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It sure is! Good, I am glad you didn’t see much narc-y behavior. As for my misinterpreting/misunderstanding your comments a few days ago, I think I just had skimmed through them quickly and hadn’t really absorbed what you had said before (and also I had been reading them backwards, in the order they appear in the notifications). That isn’t the best way to read a sequence of comments, lol! I was also stressed and tired. But I can see that might have come off as some kind of narcy behavior too.
      I know you had disappeared for awhile, I’m glad you’re back though.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad to be back as well. Thank you.
        And see, I can definitely misinterpret someone being busy or overwhelmed…probably a narc trait of mine.

        I try to be mindful of that one because I know people have lives, they are busy and I have no idea what’s going on behind the screen, miles away.

        Here’s to an enlightening 2017!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I don’t even think it’s a narc trait, just a brain fart or something. Everyone has them sometimes. Although I can see some narcissists “acting dumb” on purpose just to annoy or confuse others. That wouldn’t be me though — I always tried to impress others with how smart I am. I did/do NOT want to be seen as dumb (nor am I as smart as I wanted/want others to think I am!)

          Liked by 1 person

        2. No I never picked up on you being fake like that. I still need to be careful as to what I see as a narc trait because I’m probably wrong a lot.

          I think the narc trait is me getting annoyed or hurt at not feeling heard. Taking it personally in that way, when it’s totally not.

          And just for the record, you are smart/intelligent.

          I’ve done that, trying to impress people with my smarts too. It gets really tempting for me not to be a grammar and English nazi on line sometimes. Lol…but I resist.

          My father was a stickler for proper English and pronunciation. I didn’t mind though, he wasn’t mean about that particular thing. But when it came to things I wasn’t too good at or didn’t understand right off, he was quite impatient. And although he never called me stupid, the message was loud and clear anyway.

          So wanting to prove my intelligence likely came from that. And when I don’t get something (new I’m trying to learn) right away, my frustration becomes rage. Gee, I wonder why.

          I don’t see you coming off as arrogant though, in case you were wondering about that.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. From my observations so far, it appears that most NPD’s who become self aware and want to change, and work hard at it are female. I said “most” not all. I find that very interesting.

    Like

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