My “Crazy” Dream.

wishes

No, not a dream of the sleeping kind, but I have this crazy pipe dream, a strong but probably a little out-there wish.   It isn’t very realistic on several levels, but my life would be complete if I could…help someone heal from NPD.    If I could be a therapist to an NPD patient and help them find their true self within–if it’s still reachable.  To  watch a hardened, manipulative, cold, almost soulless narc reclaim their emotions and vulnerability; to help them be able to love, really love, someone else–not for the supply they can bring, but for themselves.  To help them come to terms with their own  past, to help them discover why narcissism was the only path they believed was available to them.

Going back to school at my age is a daunting and probably not realistic goal, and even if I were to go get an advanced Psychology degree, NPD is one of the most difficult, if not THE most difficult, disorder to heal anyone of.   Even getting one to cooperate with therapy and stay long enough for any progress to be made  is like making a cat love the water.  Even so,  it’s a powerful desire of mine.  I think about it a lot.  Sometimes I even wonder if ultimately this is what God wants me to do.  Yeah, I know.  Crazy.

Other bloggers and some of my readers have taken issue with the fact I care about narcs who want to change themselves.*  I see them as abuse victims too.  I don’t think they are all hopeless.  Narcissism is a spectrum disorder, and those who aren’t very high on the spectrum haven’t completely jettisoned their humanity.

Not everyone agrees.  I have lost followers and gotten hate because I don’t hate narcs.  I hate the things they DO.  Make no mistake, I don’t believe in enabling or having contact with them.   The best way to help a narc (and of course, yourself),  is to withdraw supply, which means making yourself unavailable.

I’ve been called a narc-hugger.  I’ve actually been called evil because of my unconventional views.  I’ve  been mobbed for having these views.   But I don’t care.   I feel strongly about this and I don’t think I’m evil or crazy.  As someone who had BPD and no longer does, I know from personal experience that healing from a Cluster B disorder is not impossible.  It’s  hard, frustrating, scary, excruciating work, and you’re left with residual PTSD that must be worked through (the basis, in my opinion, of all PD’s), but for many, Cluster B doesn’t have to be a life sentence.

If this dream ever came true, if I could help someone heal from NPD, I think it would change me profoundly.   As for the question of why any of us who were narcissistic abuse victims, didn’t turn to narcissism ourselves, all I can say is (much as I dislike this expression because of how condescending it sounds): “There but for the grace of God go I.”  We were the lucky ones.

Here’s an article written today by a friend of mine, a Christian, who is thinking along the same lines as me.   I agree with her post.

Why Hating a Narc Harms Their Victim: https://dreamsofabetterworldblog.wordpress.com/2016/04/17/why-hating-a-narc-harms-their-victim/

* I don’t think a cure is possible for narcissists who have become malignant/sociopathic or for those on the psychopathy spectrum.

Further Reading:

Paper Tigers: Why I Choose Understanding over Rage

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One thought on “My “Crazy” Dream.

  1. Reading this a thought occurred to me. How much of this longing is tied up with wishing we could heal when we didn’t get when we were young, if we didn’t have emotionally available parents. I am not saying that you don’t want what you do, and its an admirable aim, I just had that thought as I started to read your blog.
    I just read another post saying how narcissists are lone wolves, never attach to anyone or anything, but what if the price of attachment was SO VERY HIGH, it hurt so much they felt they had to turn their back.
    I’m like you, I don’t want to hate narcissists. Sometimes I think I have some narcissism in that at times when intimacy gets too sticky I need to get some space. I can be a lone wolf at times too.
    I think the desire to bring healing into the world is admirable and I hope that enough love shown will help those who struggle to love. I also know people have to be ready to change.

    Liked by 2 people

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