No, not a dream of the sleeping kind, but I have this crazy pipe dream, a strong but probably a little out-there wish. It isn’t very realistic on several levels, but my life would be complete if I could…help someone heal from NPD. If I could be a therapist to an NPD patient and help them find their true self within–if it’s still reachable. To watch a hardened, manipulative, cold, almost soulless narc reclaim their emotions and vulnerability; to help them be able to love, really love, someone else–not for the supply they can bring, but for themselves. To help them come to terms with their own past, to help them discover why narcissism was the only path they believed was available to them.
Going back to school at my age is a daunting and probably not realistic goal, and even if I were to go get an advanced Psychology degree, NPD is one of the most difficult, if not THE most difficult, disorder to heal anyone of. Even getting one to cooperate with therapy and stay long enough for any progress to be made is like making a cat love the water. Even so, it’s a powerful desire of mine. I think about it a lot. Sometimes I even wonder if ultimately this is what God wants me to do. Yeah, I know. Crazy.
Other bloggers and some of my readers have taken issue with the fact I care about narcs who want to change themselves.* I see them as abuse victims too. I don’t think they are all hopeless. Narcissism is a spectrum disorder, and those who aren’t very high on the spectrum haven’t completely jettisoned their humanity.
Not everyone agrees. I have lost followers and gotten hate because I don’t hate narcs. I hate the things they DO. Make no mistake, I don’t believe in enabling or having contact with them. The best way to help a narc (and of course, yourself), is to withdraw supply, which means making yourself unavailable.
I’ve been called a narc-hugger. I’ve actually been called evil because of my unconventional views. I’ve been mobbed for having these views. But I don’t care. I feel strongly about this and I don’t think I’m evil or crazy. As someone who had BPD and no longer does, I know from personal experience that healing from a Cluster B disorder is not impossible. It’s hard, frustrating, scary, excruciating work, and you’re left with residual PTSD that must be worked through (the basis, in my opinion, of all PD’s), but for many, Cluster B doesn’t have to be a life sentence.
If this dream ever came true, if I could help someone heal from NPD, I think it would change me profoundly. As for the question of why any of us who were narcissistic abuse victims, didn’t turn to narcissism ourselves, all I can say is (much as I dislike this expression because of how condescending it sounds): “There but for the grace of God go I.” We were the lucky ones.
Here’s an article written today by a friend of mine, a Christian, who is thinking along the same lines as me. I agree with her post.
Why Hating a Narc Harms Their Victim: https://dreamsofabetterworldblog.wordpress.com/2016/04/17/why-hating-a-narc-harms-their-victim/
* I don’t think a cure is possible for narcissists who have become malignant/sociopathic or for those on the psychopathy spectrum.