Even though my therapist has assured me I don’t have NPD, I am pretty certain I’m on the spectrum (there are some experts who believe all Borderlines are really narcissists–see my post What Is a Borderline Narcissist?). I’ll write more about this at a later point, but here’s an example of something I do that I think is very narcissistic, even though it’s not really damaging to anyone else.
Okay, so here it is. I get a lot of supply from my therapist. Sometimes I act kind of grandiose to get that supply. Sometimes I find myself trying to impress him even though that’s not my intention for being there and I try not to do this because I know it’s detrimental to the outcome of therapy. Once he told me he thought I was a good storyteller and I was so puffed up by that I continued to try to “entertain” him and tell compelling stories, sometimes even embellishing small details. I also try to impress him with my psychological knowledge. I want to be thought of as intelligent (which I am), and he definitely seems to think I am. I have no idea if he knows I’m playing this game. Like I said, it’s not really intentional and I try to stop myself when I catch myself doing it, but it’s like some kind of drug I just have to have.