Broken memories.


I’ve always, for my entire life, felt that the world was a hostile place and that most people are filled with hatred and hate me in particular. I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells, expecting disaster any moment. I automatically interpret any neutral facial expression as a hostile one. I’ve been told I was left alone in my crib to “cry it out” and was often ignored by my drunken, self-involved parents and never mirrored or given any empathy. I also received lots of mixed messages from them (as both the scapegoat and golden child) and being a highly sensitive kid, I was always a target for bullies.

My therapist told me I have a lot of insight for someone just starting therapy. When asked if I felt like “myself” in early memories, I said I couldn’t connect an emotion to those early memories. It’s almost as if I was a different person, almost a cartoon character or someone from a book I read. It seems as if there are blank spaces or gaps in the timeline drawn between the early-me and the now-me that’s causing an emotional disconnection.
I feel like I chose the right therapist and one with high empathy too.


One thought on “Broken memories.

  1. Dear Lucky, you can say that again! The world IS hostile. Most people go on playing their deceitfOOl little mind-games, and fancy themselves as all-that. As for the conversations going on, at work and whereever else, it’s always the same-old tiresome tv topics – or worse (gossip). And i’d rather remain alone because..? 😉 😉 Have a beautiful and interesting day, Lucky – those worldlings are ANNOYING!!! and not worth one minute of sadness.

    Liked by 1 person

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