Cannabis and NPD: can it help?

marijuana_leaf_by_sljones_photo

Disclaimer: I’m in no way encouraging anyone to partake in any illegal substances to relieve psychological symptoms. I just thought this was interesting, and for those living in areas where marijuana/medical marijuana is legal, using cannabis could be an option in treatment.

I’ve been hearing that using Cannabis can have a positive effect on the symptoms of NPD, as it creates a kind of ego death. I found this post on Psychforums, written by a person with NPD who finds it helpful. Others have said much the same.

For me, it was instrumental in seeing myself honestly — the long-term patterns, a new context for past events. I smoked every day for over a year. I have mixed feelings about its benefit at this point. It makes it hard to maintain day-to-day continuity of plans, projects. But, that loss of focus was part of how it helped me. I have a tendency to get too single-mindedly into plans and projects. Typically, if I started to face myself I’d distract myself with a new project — and then beat on myself to be perfect, forgetting that misguided idea to look inward.

When I smoked the first time (with a young work friend who wanted to get me high) I was overwhelmed with paranoia and anxiety. Now I’m convinced it was my conscious mind losing control of what it spent a lifetime protecting.

I didn’t have an epiphany about myself. Over a year pieces of the puzzle came together. A lot of it was self-examination while straight, reading a lot, etc. But, a lot of it came together while stoned. Usually this was just seeing things differently, or two pieces coming together in a way it wouldn’t if left to my ordinary rationalizations.

I didn’t seize on these things as if I was receiving divine thoughts. I knew I was stoned. But, I’d keep whatever it was in mind and over time it proved to be a key to the puzzle.

Example: A few months ago I was thinking about what caused me to have these traits. I could think of a dozen things and that vagueness made me question how significant my traits are. I dismissed that my first 6 years were it. How could it be when I remember nothing of it?

While that was my topic of thought, one night I was stoned and realized: I have exactly six memories of my mother, and they’re all bad (inappropriate, abusive). These weren’t repressed memories. I’ve recalled all of them occasionally throughout my life. I just never realized they were the only ones — and there are no good ones.

That’s how it was for a year as I put things together, weighed their significance, etc. My mind gave me what I needed to know when I needed to know it.

The way I see it: alcohol makes you feel good by making your problems go away. (Later you feel worse when they come back with a hangover.). Cannabis makes you feel how you are while your mind is open enough to take it. (And then you feel refreshed the next day. Perhaps with some things in clearer focus.).

Even now, smoking occasionally, if I feel anxious I consider what’s going on with me; what I might be unsettled about. It usually comes to me. I often think of it as a “getting honest” session. I like this better than a day-to-day haze. It hits me harder when I’m not acclimated to it.

All I can say is it helped me a lot. But, everyone’s different. Studies exist indicating cannabis can hasten schizophrenia in those already disposed to it. We probably are. Be careful.

I saw a thread in this forum where they talked about cannabis making you more aware of your SuperEgo (sadistic, hyper-critical). I immediately understood what they were talking about because I remember when I felt I could distinguish that part of me while stoned as a distinct entity, not all of me. Like I was telling it, “dude, chill.” 😉

PS: I’ve had no trouble quitting. No urges. For me it’s not addictive at all. I’ve been addicted to nicotine. I believe I easily could be addicted to alcohol if I drank. (I believe I have been when I drank a lot in the past.). But, I had no trouble quitting after a year. There were no cravings. Maybe just muscle memory, an urge to reach for it out of habit.

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9 thoughts on “Cannabis and NPD: can it help?

  1. I can see how it might help. I think a huge part of NPD is related to stress and internal pressure (as opposed to external) and cannabis would likely relax that so it could lessen the behaviors but I feel based on my own healing that it would be much like treating the symptom rather than the cause. Or like taking something to make you a better person to deal with, like how a decade ago nursing homes doped up residents to make them docile, but it would not be ideal for long term healing and recovery I suspect. I think addressing one’s sense of self, how you really see yourself, that wounded image and healing it is the best way to directly impact the behaviors which stem from that damaged sense of self.

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    1. I agree, Morrigan. Smoking weed would not be a cure for NPD, only a bandaid for symptoms. It does relieve stress and most Ns struggle with a LOT of internal stress.
      One thing it does do though, is I think sometimes it opens the mind to having deeper insights so it could probably be useful in therapy. It’s not a substitute for therapy, but could be an aid in it.

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  2. Dear Lucky, i think it’s a mental muscle-relaxer. As with meds taken to relieve lower-back pain, pot can be abused. As for it leading to coke-addition, some beer drinkers go on to pounding down whiskey – but others are content to one or two beers on the weekend. Alot of these anti-substance people are secular pharisees – they don’t have problems and so why should anyone else!

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    1. I agree. The drug war is stupid and it doesn’t work. It’s never worked. It’s a waste of money and lives have been ruined. It’s stupid to toss someone in jail because they smoke a little weed. Harder drugs I can understand, but pot is no worse than cigarettes and isn’t anywhere near as dangerous as alcohol (I hardly ever drink).
      I think it’s pretty close to being made legal in all states though. Even where I live, it’s not taken seriously. At my job, a friend of mine admitted on the interview she’d probably fail the drug test because she smoked pot. The boss laughed and told her not to worry about it, because she wouldn’t be looking for that anyway, and hired her even though she came back positive for weed.
      I don’t think weed is a gateway drug anymore than alcohol, and probably less so. I smoke it sometimes and have never taken harder drugs.
      I agree with you it can be abused though. If someone can’t get through their days without it, there is a problem.

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  3. My ex N often told me his ex wife would tell him how much more she liked him when he used to smoke. He quit years ago after his job started random drug testing.

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  4. I’m going through that process now, I have only recently discovered how badly narcism affects me, and how marijuana helps me with the realisation of how I came to have the emotions that I have and how it moulds my personality. I find that it’s a way to view my conscious self/ my consciousness from an unbiased point of view. Then all of the layers of thought come together and they cleanse my mental blocks and inward thoughts. It literally opens my mind, I think openly, it’s like my personality becomes tangible and I can broaden myself. This is what I think smart and creative people are able to do, I understand how to be open and progessive. I am a fairly regular smoker but certainly not a heavy user, I smoke small quantities at a time, it’s all I need. I’m not a fan of being stoned. So far, I think that I am feeling a major mental (medical) benefit from smoking weed and I foresee a very positive outcome and change in personality as a result. The goal is to change permanently and operate as I feel when I’m “High”, without the need to smoke.

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