Dissociated self.

fragmented_child
Drawing from a Psychology Today article about dissociation.

Before my eyes were opened
I couldn’t see
what others could
Near strangers knew me better than I knew myself
I used to wonder what was wrong with me
I used to avoid everyone
I knew they’d see those things about myself I didn’t know
and didn’t want to know
for this would cause a deadly battle
between the self I really was
and the self I wanted to be
So I sealed myself away
in my solitude and despair
to avoid the chance of having to face the unknown.
How did I not see
that knowing the unknown was the answer
to every prayer I thought was said in vain?

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