The Cluster B stigma and the nature of evil.

evil_face

I don’t care if what I’m about to say is controversial or unpopular.

There are some folks in the ACON community who think ALL narcissists are evil, and some think all BPDs are evil too. (In fact there are some BPDs who are worse than some narcs).
It’s understandable why people feel that way (and I did for a time myself), but the people who abused them were usually high spectrum malignant narcissists or sociopaths so they think all narcissists (and even all Cluster Bs) are as bad as the abusive or rejecting parents who raised them.

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The stigma against Cluster B disorders is very pervasive and it’s getting worse. NPD used to just be a psychiatric diagnosis. Now it’s a condemnation to hell. Even if a low-mid spectrum narc or a borderline is self aware and wants to get better, they’re still put in the “evil” box along with the malignants, psychopaths and sociopaths. It’s always assumed they “have an agenda” or are “full of shit” and everything they say is a lie. I wondered why hearing people say this used to bother me; now I know why. It hurt my feelings because inside, I already knew I was one. I’m self-identified now and really, really want to change and every word I say on my blogs is my reality and truth. It’s my true self speaking, always. I think.

Cluster B’s are cut no slack by some ACONs. We are told we deserve no sympathy even though we were abused too and were victims too. This is extremely damaging to those of us who want to be rid of our Cluster B disorders.

The Cluster B stigma also makes it hard for those of us who want treatment to find it. Many therapists won’t get near someone with NPD or BPD with a 100 foot pole. I remember one therapist I had an intake session with, who I felt comfortable with, but said he’d need to order my psychiatric records before we could go any further.
A few days later he called me and said, “I’m sorry but I don’t treat Borderlines.”
Even if a therapist is willing to see someone with a Cluster B disorder, most insurance companies or government-funded health insurance like Medicaid or Medicare won’t pay a claim for a “Cluster B diagnosis” because it’s assumed they’re incurable. So we are given some other diagnosis instead and treated for THAT disorder (such as depression or anxiety) which doesn’t get to the root of our real problem but only treats symptoms.

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People who judge and demonize all narcissists are doing exactly what NPDs and BPDs are so well known for-–engaging in black and white thinking. They don’t believe or realize that narcissism is a spectrum disorder and those in the bottom half of the spectrum probably aren’t evil, even if they’re usually PITAs.

I know there will be some of you who will disagree. That’s fine and we can agree to disagree. I’ll hold to my belief that narcissism is a spectrum disorder with many shades of gray ranging all the way to black (evil).

So what is evil? Evil to me means a person who wants to bring harm to others and has no remorse over what they do and doesn’t care about the suffering they cause–and even enjoys it. It’s a person who goes out of their way to hurt others. It’s a person who tries to destroy the reality or the soul of another human being. It’s a person who never feels guilt or shame over their actions and has no empathy for the pain they cause. All evil people (as far as I know) are of the Cluster B persuasion and most are narcissists (or ASPDs), but not every narcissist or borderline is evil.

To really get a handle on what evil is, Dr. M. Scott Peck’s book “People of the Lie” is the best analysis out there. Most of the stories in his book describe people who would today be called malignant narcissists (high spectrum narcissists with antisocial traits).

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7 thoughts on “The Cluster B stigma and the nature of evil.

  1. I like what you say except you still make exceptions of psychopaths, sociopaths, “malignant” narcissists. These are just as much “personality disorders” as the lower spectrum people you defend. But I think I will link to this blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There is one thing that I realize a lot today. To be angry at the person that was abusive is counterproductive in recovery. In a Narc relationship you both lose. Because you never get from each other what you really wanted. That is a true intimate bond and a sustained relationship.

    Its funny,…but when you actually attend to cry and mourn over this loss people look at you like…how could you cry over this awful person.

    Love is love and we must mourn tears over the loss of love. Even when its dysfunctional love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is something I realized as well. Staying angry at my narcs was to keep myself trapped in a cycle of self-loathing, hate and bitterness, and holding onto those toxic emotions keeps you trapped in the abuse, even after they’re out of your life. I’ve seen people who hang onto their hate and rage as if to give it up somehow means they have let their abusers “win.” But it’s actually the opposite. The narcs “win” when they continue to get to you, even after No Contact.

      It’s natural to grieve the loss and yes, tears purge the hurt, but after that we should move on and stop hating. That doesn’t mean enabling an abuser or “letting them get away with it.” It doesn’t mean they win. No Contact effectively “punishes” them at the same time it helps us to move on. At this point I no longer hate my abusers because I choose not to. And once I was able to let go of the rage and hate, I began to grow and find out more about myself—and (surprise!) that I had some responsibility in the abuse inflicted on me because I’d goad them into it with my manipulations. It’s like seeing myself for the first time, but I couldn’t do it with my narcs still in my life. My own narcissism is quite enough to deal with, thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s a really great response to my post. I like the point about the abuse inflicted in you.

        And its true that we must assume some responsibility as well. I think it would be impossible to see oneself while being involved with a Narc, because your overly wrapped around and codependent on them…all simply because you fear Abandonment.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yes. It’s like not being able to see yourself as you are because all you can see is how victimized you are. The narcs are *them*–and we are just the victims. It took me a year being narc-free before I woke up and realized I’m one myself. Self awareness comes with perspective.
          Thank you for following my blog. 🙂

          Like

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