Here is a wonderful video where speaker and therapist Brene Brown talks about how our biggest strength is our vulnerability.
It’s my belief that people with NPD and BPD are the most sensitive of all humans, which is why we built the defenses we did, against a world that hurt too much. People with these disorders weren’t born with the normal defense mechanisms most children have and they felt too vulnerable, especially if they were abused. But the price they paid for developing the elaborate defense structures of NPD and BPD was that they had to shut out all the “higher” emotions that connect us to other people: empathy, joy and real love. It’s not possible to be happy without them.
Prior to my sudden insight into myself being a covert narcissist, I had been “reparenting” myself (the specifics of which I’ll describe in a future article) and making a conscious effort to let myself be vulnerable and just accept any feelings moving through me without judging them one way or the other. I’d set aside quiet time alone to focus and just tell my inner child she was okay and her feelings were okay and that I loved her. Music and writing had the greatest effect in eliciting emotions and I just let the tears flow. I felt something hard and cold inside me melting away and this was followed by mindblowing insights into myself and the reasons why other people perceived me the way they did.
I’m definitely not cured, but I feel like this is the direction I need to keep going in order to get well. I’m prepared for any pain, because the end result will be so worth it.
Brene Brown, in her warm and humorous way, describes how making a choice to embrace vulnerability does indeed mean you can be hurt–but that same vulnerability is also the birthplace of love, empathy, joy, and rewarding connections with other people.
Besides, aren’t we already hurting anyway?